Father’s day (from a dad-less mom’s prospective)

Father’s day….I don’t really remember celebrating this day at all really. I didn’t have a dad growing up and my grandfather didn’t really like the idea of Father’s day. So to me it was just another day. I’ve seen many friends and family members make a big deal of this day but I just didn’t get it.
Fast forward how ever many years later and I have a kid of my own, and a husband too! Which means the kid I have, has a dad. All of the sudden father’s day means something to me. Seeing it through my son’s eyes is incredible (the way everything is through his eyes)
He lights up when he sees daddy
Daddy puts him to bed…
Daddy reads him stories…
Daddy chases him around…
Daddy plays with him and loves him to pieces!!
Daddy should be celebrated!!!
I finally understand father’s day. It’s a day to celebrate the men in our lives who make their kids days better, just by being in it.

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Nap time

He is currently napping.
The house is a mess. Fur everywhere, dishes in the sink, laundry basket overflowing. So why am I sitting here doing nothing?
I’ll tell you why….cause I can!!
Sometimes we just have to take a little time for ourselves. Watch tv that isn’t cartoons. Sip on a cup of broth without having to share it.
This is my mommy time and I’m taking it!!!

The Park

Like me, I’m sure you take your kid to the park when they start to get a little out of hand at home. My que is when he’s running through the house screaming at the top of his lungs and the animals are cowering in a corner. That’s my sign, time to go to the park.

Once little man got old enough to enjoy parks I discovered we had two in the area that were designed more for toddlers. Bouncy things, small jungle gyms and baby swings as far as the eye could see!

I have learned that the park is filled with a couple of different types of people. Number one is always grandmas and grandpas watching their grand kids while mom and dad work.

Sometimes I feel kind of like a rarity. A mom with her kid at the park at 1pm, what?

Now these grandparents are all over the grand kids…don’t touch, don’t jump, don’t climb….honestly why even bring the poor kids. It like showing them a delicious ice cream cone covered in rainbow sprinkles and tossing it in the trash. Dang, let the kid at least have a lick.

Next we have the stay at home moms. This category is divided into two subgroups. The young moms and the older moms. The young mom is usually on her phone or has met up with other young moms to discuss clothes, coffee and booze. Seriously,

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these are the conversations I hear when my kid is playing nearby. They sit on the bench drinking their Starbucks showing each other pintrest pins on the iphones while their kid is tearing ass around the park.

I recall one time when  a mom called her kid to go home and he started to curse at her…F*CK IT F*CK IT! he was screaming.  I nearly choked I laughed so hard. I did apologize for laughing, I know it only encourages bad behavior. She didn’t mind me laughing…alrighty then!

Then there’s my group, the older moms. We are somewhat a mix of grandparents and young moms.  We run after our kids while drinking Starbucks and taking pictures with our iphones. We want our kids to run and play but we don’t want them to get hurt.

Those are the adults.

The kids are a different story.

You have the shy kid who is always hiding behind mom. You have the outgoing kid who wants to play with everyone at the same time. You have the ‘go to my own drum’ kid. you have the climbers and the dirt eaters. You have the sweet helper kids and the mean pusher kids. Such an array of kids!

I, myself am not a fan of the park but my kid loves it. He is all those kids wrapped into one. He is shy, then wants to play with everyone. He gets pushed and pushes back. He runs like a maniac. Hes learning to climb everything so hes all over the place and yes, he eats dirt!

They are all crazy in their own way, probably even crazier at home which is why I imagine they are at the park in the first place!

But sometimes its fun to watch. Watch these little kids learning how to interact with each other. Learning how to climb up the stairs or go down the slide on their own. The look on the faces when they do it all by themselves! The pride!!

Hmmm maybe the park isn’t that bad after all…..

Welcome to mommyhood!

~Bea

 

Family…The Second Time Around

Family….to me that word meant one thing. Hide. I did not have a very good family life growing up. It was full of abuse, things no little kid should ever have to endure or witness.  I grew up in a single parent household. My father left when I was 6.  When I asked him if I could please come home he hung up on me. It’s great when your first heartache comes from your own father.

My mother did remarry to a very abusive man. He would drink and beat on my brother and I. We suffered many years of abuse and our mother did not intervene at all! He died when I was 15. I was happy! That’s so odd to say, but it is the truth.

So my teenage years were spent with an alcoholic mother, a drug addict brother and a narcissistic grandmother. It’s truly no wonder why family meant HIDE!

We are not close with my family, but we are close with my husbands. At first, the thought of being close with “family” terrified me! The concept alone was enough to make me shudder. But then I thought of my son. He deserves to have family. To be close with grandparents and cousins.  After all, we may not be able to ever give him a sibling. So having close cousins would be great for him. Just because my family life sucked didn’t mean that his had to as well.

So here we are, family the second time around. Seeing family life through my sons eyes opened up a whole new view on things. Seeing him light up when he sees grandma and grandpa, his cousins, his aunts and uncles. Its heartwarming!! I love that he gets to have the kind of family that I didn’t have. He gets to know love from all angles. That he will never know abuse like I have.

I grateful for family, the second time around. It has shown me that history does not always have to repeat itself. You can change things, make them better. Seeing family through my sons eyes has shown me that family means love.

~Bea

psycho mom?

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Some days I cant help but wonder what have I become? What have I done to myself? I actually signed up for this program?!?

I wonder, what happened to the little boy who couldn’t walk or give attitude? What happened to the boy who was so easy going? Apparently hes changed….from a sweet baby to a terror toddler!!

My days are now filled with trying to find was to occupy him so he doesn’t lose his mind…or is it so i don’t lose my mind? The lines have blurred.

He is destruction in a little body. How can something so small cause so much chaos?

But then it happens……the sweet baby shines through. The baby who gives me kisses for no reason. The baby who will sit with me watching cartoons all snugly. The baby who runs, from out of no where to give me a big huge hug!!

What have I become? A mommy!!!

What have i done to myself? I’ve given myself a purpose.

I actually signed up for this program?!? Yes, yes I did and I cwouldnt change that at all.

Welcome to mommyhood!!

~Bea

They call me mommy

Hello fellow mommys!!! ~waves excitedly~

I’ll be honest I never really imagined that I would be writing about my life as a mom at 40!! First of all I never thought motherhood would come to me so late in life and secondly who would really be interested in reading about my day to day??

So let me introduce myself. My name is Bea. I am married to my wonderful husband of almost 4 years. He is my rock! He helps to calm me down when things get a little out of hand, he truly keeps me grounded. We have a 17 month old little boy. As any parent would say, he is the light of our lives. Even when hes being impossible and you want to sell him to the lowest bidder!!! But in all seriousness he is very precious to us.  You see the journey to parenthood was very difficult for us. After trying to get pregnant for over a year with no luck we set out to seek a doctors help.  Infertile, that’s what I am. So we began our IVF journey to try and become parents. It was a very long, hard road. So many tests and needles and shots and disappointments and failures. At times it seemed I would never get to be what I always wanted to be…..mommy. But then our cycle in April 2014 resulted in a positive pregnancy!!! We were over the moon! In January 2015 our little light was born. A healthy baby boy, we were so happy!!

The first year of parenthood was difficult and easy at the same time. There are pros and cons to having a baby later in life. Pro…everyone else has already had their kids so you’ve learned a thing or two about what to do and what not to do as a parent. Con…you’re old, you’re tired…often!

So here we are, our precious is almost one and a half! We’ve made it this far….how hard can the rest of it be??? hahaha!!!

But we are at the fun part now. The part where his personality is coming together, where his wants overpower his needs, where everything is no but his mind can be changed with the promise of a ball. Where the cats run from him but the dog found a new best friend!! Where dealing with tantrums is a daily activity, and mommy learns patience.

hope you enjoy going through this fun part with me, and like the stories of a fun rambunctious little man and his poofy haired, coffee loving mommy

~Bea